If they had been coins, I would have known something was up...

I should be sleeping right now, but I can't seem to take a vacation from my brain. I've spent the evening reflecting on things. Some pleasant and uplifting, some painful and hard to admit. So now that I've given time to think about them and taken whatever action necessary to move forward, I need to escape this roller coaster that is my brain but the ride attendant isn't slowing the ride down and I can't reach the emergency shut off button.

I'm guessing fear is the attendant. It's fear that consumes us and paralyzes us dead in our tracks. Fear that tells us we aren't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough... Fear that keeps us from realizing our full potential, reaching the stars, doing what we love, loving who we want, and living happy lives.

So why do we listen to the fear? It's something that we create ourselves. Sometimes terrible things do happen but the point is that they've happened. They aren't currently happening. So why spend so much time worrying about things that have already happened? Or things that haven't happened? There's no good reason to fret over a moment that doesn't exist. In doing so, we miss out on the moments right in front of us. The moments asking us to seize them, grab them up, hug the shit out of them, make them ours, and to do so fearlessly.

I recently invested emotionally in a bank with an imaginary vault. Imaginary because I somehow managed to create all these shiny gold bars in my mind. Turns out they were actually chocolate bars wrapped in gold foil and while delicious, weren't really what I had expected. To be fair, when one creates expectations (even those that we're unaware of) the likelihood of disappointment following in hot pursuit is inevitable.

What's the next move? Do I let fear catalog this moment? Do I break out my gold acid testing kit and burn holes in every chocolate bar that comes my way before I even get a chance to enjoy it for what it is? Or do I approach every shiny gleaming bar like it's something I've never seen before? Something new to be discovered, no matter the contents?

I like to think that one day I'll be able to approach every experience like it's my first time. Not in the sense that I don't want to learn and grow from experiences in my past, but I'd like to leave them there. Take the knowledge and move forward.

Move forward, be honest in my actions, and express gratitude for each moment that graces me with its presence.

So here's to a life filled with gold bars (chocolate or otherwise).